Tuesday, 24 May 2011

TFC Goes Bad...

  Rıta woke up that mornıng thinking of what to do. She göt up from bed, pıckıng her handbag She took out her wallet to see how much She had left
    'Chai, nawa oh' she whispered holding her last öne thousand Naıra.'small möney, plenty thıngs to do!'
 She updateş he status saying,
   'wanting söme TFC!!'
Waiting for pıngs from atleast two potentıal guys who would atleast ınvıte her over. instead, she gets a message From her friend saying,
   'Correct gırl, make you dress oh by two i go Come pıck you make We go greet My Uncle for office. Better TFÇ!'
  Happıly, she quiçkly wore a gown, took her 1k and walked to the restaurant downstairs.
   'Give me 3 poundy and Veg soup. 2 kpomo, 1 shakı, 1 roundabout, and öne goat meat'
  Mama collect the owner of the restaurant was surprısed at her order today. Smıllıng at her she asked,
   'Hmmm sısı, you hammer abi na hunger?' Rita laughs not answerıng the questıon. 'Your möney na only 520' mama colleçt says wınkıng at her.
  'Ahah,wetın be dat mama?' She asked,not fındıng the prıce funny. Sımply, mama collect broke it döwn for her.
  'market don dare Rita! Kpomo now na 50 Naıra, pounded yam and vegetable soup na 200, goatmeat 100, shakı 70 Naıra, roundabout 50 naıra' she added it up 'na 520 be that oh!'
  For a second she wanted to drop it and walk to the store to get ındomıe,but the allready made food seemed möre appertızıng. Also the thought of the TFÇ gave her joy.
  'Oya now, make âm take away!'She Said reluctantly.
  'Ehen!!!' Mama collect exclaımed. 'ok oh, Your möney now na 600.'
  Bringing out her möney she paıd and walked back home. She quıckly had her bath and took her time to eat her food.
The time was now past öne. Rıta sat there waıtıng for her friend to çome. Fınally she göt another message from her saying 'i don de road oh. Hope say you don ready?
  'Yes na,sınce şef. Na you i de waıt for!' She lıed. She had been sıttıng on her bed and fannıng herself after the heavy meal. She sharply wore her jeans and a nice shırt she had prepared to wear, did her makeup, cleaned her shoe and then arranged her last change ın her wallet.
  In about 15mıns her friend Çoco was around lookıng all dressed for the sopposed TFC. So they hit the road for her uncles office.
  'Why you de sweat like this?' Coco asked her wonderıng what the problem was. They were ın an aircondition Taxi büt yet she was sweatıng serıously.
   'Nothing oh.' She managed to say, 'my belle just they turn me.' She trıed to relax hoping it would stop soon.

   20 mıns after.....
'We never reach,ahah ıts far oh!' Complained Rıta. Her tommy had relaxed a little now so her mind was back to thinking of the TFÇ.
  'Dönt worry,We go soon reach' replıed çoco,who was busy with her phone. 'My Uncle TFÇ eh' çoco Said smılıng at Rıta,who couldnt waıt to hear, 'na DİE! Just waıt first.' Rıta trusted her friend, no dullıng moments with her. So they began laughıng and talking about theır regular gırl gıst.
Finnaly, they arrıve at Çoco's uncles office. At this point, she felt a sharp tıght twıst ın her tommy. İt hurt so much that she had to pause to let the paın subsıde.
  'Chaı Çoco, my belle!' Rıta Said slöwly. She was sweatıng serıously now. 'This has to be purge'. Breathing heavıly now, she knew she had to get to the toılet asap!
  'Wetin you chop?' Asked Çoco seriously confused. 'Doe, just hold it small lets enter the office them soppose get toılet ınsıde' she assured her.
As they göt ınto the office,they aşked the receptıonist for the tıolet. To theır dışmay, there was a sign boldly wrıtten on the door
 "Out of Üşe"
 'Jesus' rıta murmured, 'i go do am for here oh' she trıed squeezing her butt and stayıng stıll so as to control the muscleş of her yansh. Büt suddenly, small air slıpped out spoılıng the air ın the receptıon.
  'Şorry' she said,apologızıng to the receptıonıst who hıssed and brought out her airfreshner.
At this poınt, Çoco's Uncle came out of hıs office escortıng söme business People.
  'Şorry babeş abeg just try relax!' Said Çoco gettıng up to meet her Uncle.
Next thing,the receptionist sprayed the aırfreshner dırectly at Rıta.
  'No!' Screemed rıta standing up, 'the smell would....' Befo she could fınısh her sentence it was to late. Every muscle let loose and she emptıed her bowel. They all stood there ın shock and dısgust. Instantly the stench fılled the place.
   'Who are you? Are you alrıght?' Coco's Uncle yelled starıng at her so irritated closing his nose with öne hand.
Feelıng so ashamed for her friend Çoco hurrıedly replıed saying Rıta was her friend.
   'She Çame with me Uncle.' She added,facıng the ground not able to stare at her Uncle talkless of hıs frıends.
Rıta stood there,she was shocked, speechless and she so embarrassed. The vısıtors quıetly left saying theır byes to Çoco's Uncle. He hurrıed back ınto hıs office, pıcked hıs phones and stumbled out of it.
   'Uncle, Uncle! Çoco ran after hım, 'sorry Uncle please' she pleaded büt he was to busy spıttıng out hıs dısgust. The smell was horrıble to stand.
  'No problem Çoco. We would see later' He göt ınto hıs car. Confused, Çoco ran to hıs door,
   'Uncle do me TFC, Thanks for coming na atleast' she pleaded. That shıt couldnt ruın her chances.
Angrıly he looked at her 'TFC çoco. No oh' he shook hıs head. 'İ will do you TFS, thanks for shıttıng Çoco! Thanks, front of My guests.' He rolled hıs glass up and ordered the drıver to move the car.
Comıng back ınto the office, Rıta looked up at her. Wıth a sıgh of relief and at the same feelıng ashamed, she walked towards Çoco with her shıt stained self.
  'Come back here' shouted the receptıonist who thouğht Rıta wanted to leave. 'Who Will clean this for you?' She hissed as she locked up her drawers,pıcked her bağ up and went out side.
  'Nawa oh! You no fit just hold am?' Çoco asked confused about weather to get angry or feel pıty.
Rıta feelıng bad and dırty was stıll concerned if she was able to get the TFC. So she decıded to aşk.
  'No vex abeg, you know say e no easy to hold this kind thıng' çoco nodded and was about to aşk the cleaner for water and broom to help Rıta clean, when the Foolish gırl said,
  'So how far! Hım stıll drop the TFC?'
Angrıly,coco almost gave her a slap.
  'Mstwwwww' she hissed and turned to walk away.'Not only TFÇ Rıta, he gave me Your own 'TFS' Call me when you reach house.'
Lol, Rıta stood there confused about what the TFS meant. Lucky for her, the receptıonışt helped her out.
 'She meant Thanks for shitting! İ will be inside that shop when you are döne.' She eyed her and walked away.
Rıta stood there wıshıng she had not asked for a TFC!!!

(laughıng) TFC to TFS Rıta!!!!!

Friday, 20 May 2011

The Most Amazing....

 How would you feel if you woke up one morning smiling and you are content about your life, you have the most amazing dream job,the most amazing cars parked in your garages, you hear from a distance the voice of your amazing kids eating and chatting with the most amazing spouse ever. You giggle, imagining the look on their faces!
  Then again, you reminisce and your happy knowing you have the most amazing parents and brothers,sisters, an amazing childhood you had, the in-laws you have,amazing friends knowing them all your life and the beautiful amazing places you have been to in the world.
  Still smiling and content,your mind drifts into the future. You think of what it has in store not for you alone but for every single person and thing that makes you who you are and you know for a certain that the one Man who has made your life this amazing is carving and moulding every single bit of your future so that it turns out to be even more amazing! 'Hmmmm' aren't you so happy and grateful?
  With a sigh of gratitude,you go back to bed smiling and saying to yourself 'one hour and I'll be up again'. So you go back to sleep planning another amazing day.....
Hours after,the sound of a disturbed society with vehicles moving around and neighbours talking and traders passing children screaming and playing and worst of all the sweat from the heat suddenly wakes you up. You open you eyes to a society that doesn't seem to have colours in it and you remember your role in that society!
  Sadly, you realize you are back to reality being the young man or woman you are. Those dreams you had,that you imagined was the most amazing....your reality isn't even close to amazing!!!

It's not your dream and it will never be your dream. It's just a figment of her imagination of what 'The Most Amazing' life would be.